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I'm so sorry Raloria

I did something that upset you and I's so very sorry. I don't do things like that, I truly thought I missed the posts.

I've deleted all of the files from my computer.

I know that probably won't make you feel any better, I'm anything but entitled it's actually quite opposite of that.

My life has been a living hell for that month. I know that's not an excuse for anything. Again I'm so so sorry.

My sister had to have one of her cats put to sleep, RIP Old Man.

My dad has been in the hospital 4 times in the last month.

We took dad to the closest hospital, my sister and were sitting in the waiting for about 4 hours before they call us back and said they dad could go home, because they said they couldn't find anything wrong,(dad couldn't stand or walk). His home care nurse was so mad like we were.

The next day I had to call 911 as he still couldn't stand or walk, and with my own disabilties I can't help him if he falls. My sister works full time and she can't help much either. He went to the hospital about 7pm and they didn't get him in a room until 5:30 the next morning. (Also had to wait the the washing machine repair guy, he was running way late so we had to reschedule)

He had an infection in both legs.

They overdosed him on Oxy/Cotton. Nobody called to tell us anything we get there it looked like he had a stroke. They kept saying he was altered instead of saying they overdosed him, and that it happens sometimes. We went in the following morning and they had moved his to another room, again not calling and telling us anything.

Two days later they sent him home with only 20 minutes of PT, his home care nurse came over the day after home and between her, myself and my sister he aggreed to go back, so I called 911 again and they keep arguing witgh us about taking him back to the hospital, they finally relented and took him.

Dad finally agreed to go to a Rehab Hospital for PT & OT. He took his cell phone to him as they don't have phones in the rooms, they then overdosed him on duiretics and they thought he was contagious and put him in isolation. The lady across from him was always complaining that his TV was too loud, he tried explain to her that he is deaf in one ear and partialy deaf in the other ear.

My sister and I were getting at 6:30 in the morning to go see him as the hospital is in Reno and about an hour out. My sister couldn't afford to lose any more work. She was overly tired and taking it out on me. Dad would call at least 12 times a day to complain about anything and everything. He'd be calling us a four in the morning or when we were trying to sleep.

Dad got mad and checked himself out of the rehab hospital against medical advice, he's now home and only kinda listening to what his home care nurse is telling him. Dad now has me doing hid daily meds now.

Had to see a podiatrist, the took xrays of my feet and ankles, turns out I have bad arthritis in booth feet, the right being worse and also bone spurs in the heals of both feet and also on top of both feet.

My sister caught a cold at work and she had to give it to me, I was without sleep for 3 days, my stomach and ribs still hurt from coughing so much, I've been nothing more than a walking zombie.

My sister is also getting married (again This will be husband #4) on Feb 24th at Circus Circus.

I'm also waiting to from the surgeons office as I'm suppose to have 3 surgeries.

Again I'm so sorry Raloria.I promise that it won't happen again, I've never stolen anything for anybody and I feel so bad. I hope that you can forgive me.

Like I said above I'm not entitled, I'm nothing but the family punching bag.

I hope that you can forgive me. I am truly sorry. I don't want to make anyone feel bad.

I appreicate everything that you share with us.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 17th, 2017 11:13 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry, hun. I overreacted last night. It's not like those caps weren't eventually going to be posted anyway. I messed up. After having our house burglarized 6 times a year or so ago, I'm super sensitive to having things stolen from me. I should have heeded my own advice and taken a day to think about things and not jumped on something that really isn't that big of a deal. I've been tired, stressed, and depressed this week and I clearly wasn't thinking right.

I'm so very sorry about what you've been going through with your family. It's terrible that your dad's been treated so badly. I hope things start to improve for you all soon.

I hope you will forgive me and download the caps again. Please don't feel bad, the fault was mine.

Feb. 18th, 2017 07:12 pm (UTC)
Hi, don't worry about it. I know how it feels to be burglarized, it happened when I was still living in Sacramento, CA. We know who did it but we couldn't prove anything.

My headset has not been the best for the last several years, the hits have just kept coming.

Doesn't help when you've been told that you have chronic depression. Unfortunately there are times that I take too much things to heart and I get myself way too upset.

I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm sorry for that.

All is forgiven. I hope that we can be friends.

Again I'm sorry for making you feel bad.

Feb. 18th, 2017 12:05 am (UTC)
Hi warriorgal- You don't know me. I am on Raloria's flist and saw her post this morning about the caps, saw your comments about your post and went to explore.

I just wanted to extend to you my love and some hugs. I am so sorry you are having a shitload of problems going on in your life right now. You are definitely going through the wringer. We have all been there and lived through it. I just wanted to extend to you my love and support for what you are going through. I wanted to tell you to "hang in there" and that things will get better. I know that may sound trite, but just know that I speak from personal experience. A year or so ago I also had a lot dumped on me. I was down, depressed and borderline suicidal. I've been to the lows, and now a year or so later I am feeling and doing better. Life still has its ups and downs, but I made it through the roughest part. I'm a little worse for the wear, but I am stronger because of those experiences.

I'm sorry you ended up being the brunts of Val's accusations. It came from a place that was just as tired and depressed, and oftentimes when we feel like that we instantly react instead of thinking things through. I'm sure she meant no harm and believe her when she says to go ahead and DL her caps. There is no fault here. Know that.

Just know that you are not alone. I also know that sometimes it really does feel that way, but all one needs to do is reach out and your friends here on LJ will be there for you. I know mine have helped calm and reassure me on numerous occasions.

Hang in there my friend. You are loved. I'm here if you feel the need or want to reach out. Take care of you.

P.S. Just looked at your profile. You live in Reedsport. I live in Beaverton, which is near Portland. So, HELLO THERE fellow Oregonian. How cool. Another Oregon fan. I rarely find other Oregon people. So cool. Friends?

Edited at 2017-02-18 12:11 am (UTC)
Feb. 18th, 2017 07:34 pm (UTC)
Hi there, thank you for your kind words. I don't do things like that. I honestly felt bad. I didn't mean to make Val feel bad. That was not my intention. This is why I usually keep everything locked up inside. I know that's not good, but both my dad and sister always tell me that I have no right to feel that way that I do and to get over it already.

My doctor bless her heart does let me vent some, she gave me Zoloft for the depression and and anxiety pill that I take when I'm super dupper stressed out.

You reminded me that I have not updated my profile, I lived in Reedsport for about 12 years, worked at the pizza place in Winchester Bay. I had to leave work and go to the ER for pre-existing blood clots, the Dr told me to stay off my feet for about 3 days, I called my boss and told him what the Dr had said and he fired over the phone, so I lost my job then my apartment and had to move in with my dad, my sister talked us into moving to NV. This all happened Aug 2014.

I miss OR so much, all the trees and water, where we're at in NV is high desert and I don't take heat well.

My sister and I have talked that if something happens to dad we'll probably move back to OR.

I miss living alone, I was so much happier. I've always been a loner. Weather that's good or bad I don't know.

So cool. Friends? Yes!

There I went and wrote another novel. Color me embarrassed :)
Feb. 20th, 2017 07:47 pm (UTC)
Please don't feel embarrassed for writing a novel. I tend to be the same way.

Sorry you had to move out of Oregon. That is a bummer about you getting fired. That boss is a douchebag to do something like that to you, and over the phone, no less. He couldn't even give you a break and let you take some time off. That is just so awful. You were glad to be rid of him, but the after consequences, maybe not so much. I hope you will be able to get back to Oregon sometime too. I contemplated moving out of Oregon at one time a couple years ago, but decided this is the best climate for me, and I would definitely miss the trees.

I live alone and totally enjoy it. There are times when I wish I had someone living with me, but more often than not, I enjoy the solitude. Must be my introvert personality. And there is nothing wrong with being a loner. I am also somewhat of a loner. I don't think it's a bad thing, at all.

I tend to hold on to things as well, and sometimes don't let go of them as quickly as I should. Now, you have EVERY RIGHT to feel the way that you do. Those are YOUR feelings and you should not let ANYONE tell you otherwise. I used to have some family members tell me that I shouldn't feel that way, or that I need to let things go, but by doing that they are not acknowledging your valid feelings. They are invalidating your feelings. I don't like it when people tell me my feelings are stupid or that I should let them go. They are my feelings and I am going to feel how I am going to feel. So, you feel how you want, they are yours and yours alone. Everybody works through things at their own pace, so don't let anyone else say otherwise. How we deal with those feelings and how long we hold on to them is our responsibility. Granted, sometimes the longer we hold on to things the more power we give to others, so there is a fine line to it all. But don't ever feel like you have to make excuses for how you feel.

Anywho. I hope you have a good week. Take care.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )



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